I never thought I would do another thought record in my life, and yet, here I am. I just did my first record in years for the group I started going to. For next week we only have to do the situation, thoughts, emotions components, which works for me because I hate the supporting evidence, non-supporting evidence portions because I suck at them. Anyway, I have this assignment due on Wednesday and I can’t make myself do it. I have a topic, I have my research done, I just don’t care about it. When I look at the thoughts I’m having around it it all comes back to perfectionism and nothing every being good enough. If I don’t do it then there’s no need to sit with the discomfort that it isn’t perfect because it doesn’t exist. So many situations I find myself in are related to the following thoughts:
- if anyone sees this they’ll think I’m stupid
- nothing I do is good enough, and
- it’s never going to be good enough so why am I trying?
Years of failure while trying to reach my own unattainable standards hasn’t left me very optimistic about my abilities.