Anonymous said: What is your thesis going to be about?
Oh lord, the question I want so badly to be able to answer clearly lol. It’s still be clarified and narrowed down but the focus is on the mental health needs of emergency first responders who experience trauma on the job. There will be many many more posts on this topic as I dig into it lol. Thanks for asking!
Shit is gettin’ real on the school front. The amount of reading is feeling overwhelming now. It was a lot before but now that assignments are coming up it feels impossible to get through everything. It’s hard to even prioritize what needs to be done vs. what can wait/doesn’t need to be done. One of my classes this week has 150+ pages of reading, then there’s my other 4 classes, and the articles I’m supposed to be pulling for my MRP and assignments, plus my GA job (which is more reading and pulling articles). It’s a lot and I’m overwhelmed and on the verge of paralysis every time I try to start working. There is no end to the amount of stuff that needs to be done. Reading week is in two weeks. I just need to get there and then I have a week without classes to get myself organized and on top of things again. It’s a weird feeling to love and hate what you’re doing. I love school, I love the program, I love what I’m studying but I hate that I’m losing my life in the process. It’s become a challenge to even meet someone for coffee. I keep making plans (and keeping them) as a form of self care but I know I’m distracted. I know I’m not 100% present and that sucks for me and the person I’m with. I felt like I just got my sea legs and knew how things were working and then BAM it’s the end of September and I have shit due next week that I haven’t even started thinking about because I was/am so stressed about pinning down my research topic. My neck and shoulders hurt really bad from sitting over a desk and my stupid foot is still hurting but I haven’t had a chance to get to the doctor about my ultrasound results. I need an 8 day week so I have one more day to get life stuff (doctor, groceries, laundry) done. I miss my friends and I miss being able to go out and do fun stuff. For some reason this is all just hitting me now and making me really angry and possibly more stressed out.
Anonymous said: What colour did you dye your hair? What are you hoping to get pierced today? Post pics!
Hey anon! So I dyed my hair black/back to it’s natural color. The summer lightens it a bit too much for my liking lol and I got my lip pierced! It’s a little swollen at the moment but I’m loving it and here’s a slightly blurry phone picture of it all
Just finished dying my hair. Currently trying to ignore the burning in my eyes so I can keep working on research for my thesis proposal. Intermittently feeling shitty and confused from shopping this weekend. Hoping to get something pierced tomorrow. That is all.
My stupid overactive brain is being stupid.
I’ve been crying for a solid two hours with no real break. This is why I don’t cry. There’s no stopping it once it starts. I’m really trying to be kind to myself and just let this cathartic experience happen because it obviously needs to but it’s hard to be ok sobbing for hours when you aren’t entirely sure what you’re crying about. I just wish someone was here with me. I don’t want to talk about anything, I just want to telepathically bring them up to speed and then sit in silence and watch a movie. That’s it. I just need a person to give a shit. That would be nice.