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About

Kristan

26 year old student
BSc. (Psychology and Mental Health)
BSW (Social Work)
Current Masters Student (MSW)
Gay
Feminist

Recovery is tough. PTSD, Borderline PD, and an eating disorder. Even though I finished intensive outpatient almost 3 years ago I continue to struggle. No matter how bad the struggle gets I keep my feet planted on the path to recovery.

This is my record of the good days and the bad, the highs and the lows.

My face, dog, and life
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20 September 14

marieannelise:

When there’s too much shit you need to get done at once

image

image

Reblogged: justwaitforthedrop

17 September 14

Sometimes the universe surprises you

Turns out having my counselling appointment cancelled yesterday was the best thing that could have happened. They had to reassign me to another counsellor and they assigned me to one of their PhD. interns. This is good news for multiple reasons:

  1. As an intern she doesn’t have to adhere to the short-term counselling mandate of the school because she is learning therefore she can see me past 10 sessions if needed.
  2. She is really nice and easy to talk to.
  3. She has focused on emotion focused therapy and DBT throughout her time in school. Yeah, I found someone who knows DBT completely by chance. 

So I’m really happy with how things turned out. She gave me a weekly time for the next month and a few easy things to think about try this week. I’m feeling good about this. Yay!

16 September 14
Yeah they managed to get me in tomorrow. This morning in my angry haze I couldn’t put it together that it was so close. But yes, tomorrow after 6 hours of class. I should be in a good mood for talking at that point lol

Yeah they managed to get me in tomorrow. This morning in my angry haze I couldn’t put it together that it was so close. But yes, tomorrow after 6 hours of class. I should be in a good mood for talking at that point lol

Posted: 10:17 AM

Sleepless night for nothing.

I couldn’t sleep because I was anxious about seeing a new counsellor. Turns out they cancelled my appointment but because someone entered my email wrong I didn’t get the message so cue tired rage. Now I have an hour to kill on campus but my foot is killing me so in just going to sit on this bench and try to get un-angry.

15 September 14

angryfemin-ish:

laughatthestars:

today, my school hosted an exhibit for suicide awareness day. the exhibit included 1,100 backpacks in representation of the number of lives that are lost to mental illness each year on college campuses. many of these backpacks were donated by the families that lost loved ones and had their stories attached. i’m so proud of my school for bringing attention to such a serious issue.

this matters so much. 

Reblogged: thenotoriousamy

Posted: 8:03 PM

Reblogged: haanigram

Posted: 7:54 PM

(Source: -teesa-)

Reblogged: ramblingsofanadvocate

Posted: 4:24 PM
nerd-with-wings:

futurediver:

DO YOU SEE IT NOW?

What the fuck is happening to me

It finally makes sense!!!

nerd-with-wings:

futurediver:

DO YOU SEE IT NOW?

What the fuck is happening to me

It finally makes sense!!!

Reblogged: deeplesbian

Posted: 10:42 AM

thedisneykiid:

itsbecause-imdraculabitch:

Beautiful

how does she do that? sooo beautiful

(Source: thedolab)

Reblogged: tinyambitiousqueen

14 September 14

Reblogged: bpdprobs

Posted: 10:19 PM

A night of introspection

I made an appointment to talk to a counsellor at school. The original cause for the appointment was anxiety but I like to really think about things so I think this is more borderline related stuff than just the more generalized anxiety I thought it was. 

The anxiety has been bad for a few weeks. I knew that trying to adjust to a new schedule and new routine would be a challenge. Any sort of change just sends my entire system into chaos. I think the start of school was really just the final change that set everything in motion.

Leaving Mac and Hamilton was hard. I had two solid years there. There were ups and downs but for the most part I felt I had an identity, I had people to regulate off of, I had solid supports in place—that’s a lot to leave behind. I’ve been struggling with identity for the last few weeks. I can’t get dressed, I can’t do my hair, I can’t talk to people because I don’t feel like I know who I am. I am spinning my wheels trying to grab a hold of something that feels like me and I’ve got nothing. 

I’ve noticed in the last week that I am really struggling with being alone, even for just a few hours. Coming home from class to an empty apartment deflates me. My parents visited yesterday and when they left I felt completely empty, like I didn’t exist, and (irrationally) angry that they left me. I worked at a friend’s place today and when I came home and was alone I was instantly crushed. Tonight was interesting actually. My roommate was actually home but I didn’t know that because she was in her room. I was spiralling and feeling so shitty and then my roommate came out of her room and it was the biggest relief. I can’t explain what that did for me but something just felt better.

I can’t explain this distress and agitation that I’m feeling. It just doesn’t go away. Like I mentioned above I am having a hard time being away from people but at the same time absolutely dread going to class, walking through campus, being in groups, etc. I have so much anxiety and stress trying to manage all the impulses. I am slipping in that area (although I’m still 7 months, 3 weeks, 3 days without cutting). My mood is all over the place. Meanwhile, I’m trying to meet new people and not have an emotional outburst in a group of relative strangers….I don’t know.

I just feel very scattered and sensitive and overwhelmed. I just wish I still had my therapist. Talking to friends is hard and I never want to unload all of this on them. I feel really cut-off right now.   

Tags: BPD SI
13 September 14
Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not.

Reblogged: wordsnquotes

12 September 14

I got a job!

I interviewed for a GA position the other day and I got it! I am now the graduate assistant for social work undergrad research methods! yay!

Life is already busy and it’s only going to get busier with this position but it’s very exciting. I will get to teach a lecture at some point in the next 4 months. I get to develop a new assignment. I get paid for doing school stuff. Loves it.   

Tags: GA MSW school
Posted: 6:42 PM
11 September 14

Reblogged: 51n74u

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh