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About

Kristan

26 year old student
BSc. (Psychology and Mental Health)
BSW (Social Work)
Gay
Feminist

Recovery is tough. PTSD, Borderline PD, and an eating disorder. Even though I finished intensive outpatient almost 3 years ago I continue to struggle. No matter how bad the struggle gets I keep my feet planted on the path to recovery.

This is my record of the good days and the bad, the highs and the lows.

My face, dog, and life
Quotes
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27 August 14
If you have something to look forward to each morning and someone to sleep next to each night then I think there’s little else you could want for.
— (via c0ntemplations)

Reblogged: c0ntemplations

Posted: 12:32 AM
…Writers remember everything…especially the hurts. Strip a writer to the buff, point to the scars, and he’ll tell you the story of each small one. From the big ones you get novels. A little talent is a nice thing to have if you want to be a writer, but the only real requirement is the ability to remember the story of every scar.
Art consists of the persistence of memory.
— Stephen King, Misery (via wordsnquotes)

Reblogged: wordsnquotes

Posted: 12:30 AM

Having a rough time.

I’ve been trying to write this post for almost an hour and it isn’t coming out so here are the points that are rolling around in my head:

  • I feel lost and like everything I am doing isn’t what I should be doing. Not that I want to be anywhere else, because that sounds terrifying because that would involve moving somewhere alone. Which brings me to…
  • I don’t think I was supposed to live this long. So many of the problems I keep bumping up against are the same and only seem to reinforce for me that living to this age was not originally in the cards for me. 
  • I’m tired of feeling this external and internal pressure to be something. Be employed. Be in a relationship. Be happy. Be successful. Be something. What if I’m not this something amazing that my family has been saying I’m supposed to be? What if I’m just a huge disappointment (like I feel I have been up to this point)?
  • I’m a shitty person to be around. It’s no wonder I’m single and have only a small handful of friends. My mood is intense and unpredictable. I swing from having the best time to wanting to throw myself in front of a bus in a few seconds and without warning. Why would anyone ever want to stay around for that? 
  • Recovery has caused too much weight gain. I can’t look at myself anymore. It’s no wonder I managed to break a bone in my foot. I just want to feel pretty, just once, because not once in the last 3 years have I felt that. 
  • I’m going to be out of medication in the next 9 days and I don’t think I am going to have the money to refill it. 
  • I wish my mood wasn’t so reactive. 
  • I don’t want to be alive and I don’t want to dump that truth bomb on anyone I know because no one I know should have that kind of weight put on them. 
  • I feel really lost and alone and unlovable and stupid and disgusting, but I know I will wake up in the morning, take a deep breath and put on a happy face for the world because that’s what everyone expects. Everyone expects the strong, happy, overcome-everything-girl that they’ve known for however long—and I’ll be that person because being that person, although painful at times, is less painful than letting people see the real me who is falling apart. 
Posted: 12:14 AM
26 August 14

11pm is my witching hour when all the feels come to the surface.

Ughhhhh, what I wouldn’t give to be able to handle emotions like a “normal” person.

Posted: 5:42 PM
I’d like to thank the intense humidity for this huge hair I’m rocking today. It’s kind of fun if you don’t mind your head feeling like it’s in an oven. Also if you don’t mind constant little frizzes touching your face. 

I’d like to thank the intense humidity for this huge hair I’m rocking today. It’s kind of fun if you don’t mind your head feeling like it’s in an oven. Also if you don’t mind constant little frizzes touching your face. 

Posted: 4:04 PM

Might have a broken bone in my foot

Joy oh joy.

Can’t really walk and when I do it’s a painful, slow, hobbling limp. 

I hate things, especially this pain and this unbearable heatwave. 

25 August 14
Posted: 9:35 PM
These are not
battle scars.
These are not
proof of survival.
My riddled body is
not
so poetic.
The fact that they
exist
proves I was
very sad and very sick.
The fact that they
are scar tissued
proves I am
progressing.
This was never supposed to be
poetry.
There is
no
romance
in pain.
Michelle K., Truth About Scars. (via michellekpoems)

Reblogged: alexzinwonderland

Posted: 9:34 PM

Trying to be ok

I have been starving, STARVING, for 3 days. Just constantly hungry and constantly eating. I’m trying to be ok with it. Trying to be ok with listening to my body, but it’s hard. I feel like I’m eating way too much and it’s really messing with my head. I have a pulled tendon in my foot so I can’t walk or exercise or do anything to try and make myself feel a bit better body image wise. Ugh, body what are you even doing?

24 August 14
transrants:

a-little-bi-furious:

transrants:

idopaint-themgreen:

the-fury-of-a-time-lord:

lgbtqblogs:


Two brides have become two of the most kickass women in the world by marrying to protest against homophobia in Russia.
Alina Davis, a 23-year-old trans woman, and Allison Brooks, her 19-year-old partner, donned matching white floor-length bridal gowns and married at a civil registry office earlier this month.
As Davis is still legally regarded as male, the office had no choice but to hand them a marriage certificate.
The couple said officials chided them, and appeared to be violent.
‘She called us the shame of the family and said we need medical treatment … I was afraid my pussycat [an affectionate pet name in Russian] would beat the fuck out of her,’ Davis said on her VK page.
But the couple were allowed to sign the papers, meaning a gay couple in Russia are legally recognized as married – even if it’s through a loophole. ‘This is an important precedent for Russia,’ Davis said.
Russia banned same-sex marriage and outlawed ‘gay propaganda’ in 2013.


holy jesus look at these two warrior princesses
they are my heroes
YOU GO GIRLS

"Oh, you don’t wanna recognize my gender? Okay then lol guess you have to recognize my marriage"
that is amazing

TRANS EXCELLENCE

Okay but other reports state that Alina identifies as androgyne but feels more comfortable as a woman, it definitely is trans excellence but the label she uses is not reported correctly here.

Thanks for the info! (This means it’s not only trans excellence but also NONBINARY EXCELLENCE YEAH!)

transrants:

a-little-bi-furious:

transrants:

idopaint-themgreen:

the-fury-of-a-time-lord:

lgbtqblogs:

Two brides have become two of the most kickass women in the world by marrying to protest against homophobia in Russia.

Alina Davis, a 23-year-old trans woman, and Allison Brooks, her 19-year-old partner, donned matching white floor-length bridal gowns and married at a civil registry office earlier this month.

As Davis is still legally regarded as male, the office had no choice but to hand them a marriage certificate.

The couple said officials chided them, and appeared to be violent.

‘She called us the shame of the family and said we need medical treatment … I was afraid my pussycat [an affectionate pet name in Russian] would beat the fuck out of her,’ Davis said on her VK page.

But the couple were allowed to sign the papers, meaning a gay couple in Russia are legally recognized as married – even if it’s through a loophole.

‘This is an important precedent for Russia,’ Davis said.

Russia banned same-sex marriage and outlawed ‘gay propaganda’ in 2013.

holy jesus look at these two warrior princesses

they are my heroes

YOU GO GIRLS

"Oh, you don’t wanna recognize my gender? Okay then lol guess you have to recognize my marriage"

that is amazing

TRANS EXCELLENCE

Okay but other reports state that Alina identifies as androgyne but feels more comfortable as a woman, it definitely is trans excellence but the label she uses is not reported correctly here.

Thanks for the info! (This means it’s not only trans excellence but also NONBINARY EXCELLENCE YEAH!)

Reblogged: lgbtlaughs

Posted: 10:55 PM
revelation19:

musiqchild007:

revelation19:

This is 100% true

This tweet sounds as though introverts consume the souls of others before they engage in social events.

This is 100% true

revelation19:

musiqchild007:

revelation19:

This is 100% true

This tweet sounds as though introverts consume the souls of others before they engage in social events.

This is 100% true

(Source: blakebaggott)

Reblogged: deeplesbian

Posted: 8:09 PM

Reblogged: tinyambitiousqueen

Posted: 6:48 PM

Boredom is my number 1 enemy

Trying to savour these last few days of feeling boredom before school starts and my personal life goes to hell, but I hate this feeling. I just start feeling so negative and impulsive. My teeth hurt from grinding them. Blerg. 

Tags: Boredom BPD
Posted: 2:21 PM

This is why it hurts the way it hurts.

You have too many words in your head. There are too many ways to describe the way you feel. You will never have the luxury of a dull ache.

You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much.

— Iain S. Thomas, I Wrote This For You (via abluesforbrklyn)

Reblogged: softletters

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh